My new favourite shirt. Also here is my reading list:

I royally fucked up my first roll of Holga film. I shot it with the 6x6 mask in, but on the 4.5x6 setting. I shouldn't have shot my first roll while high. Though, maybe it was a good idea. It makes it more special. Regardless, I'm going to have some extreme multiple exposers. From now on I'm not going to bother with the masks. I'll just shoot freestyle, unless I really want to shoot 4.5x6.

We spent two weeks in the woods. Photos were a collective effort of Me, Sam, or whoever was sober enough to operate the camera.

Film photos from my camera should be up in two days at the latest.

Add some black metal and grindcore and this might as well have been the soundtrack to the fortnight:

Story Of Isaac † † Haunted House MIX by Story of Isaac

I just got back from the Testament/Megadeth/Slayer concert.

I got a Slayer shirt and caught a Jeff Hanneman pick.

I made these while I was high.

You know how everyone is obsessed with 3D stuff? Movies, games, porn etc...

Well, that "new" technology, the 3D effect without the glasses, isn't that new. It's been around for a while.

The reason it wasn't implemented was because they found out it gave children vision problems. It didn't enhance adult vision either. Something about how it stresses the eye muscles... eye fatigue from focusing on non existent depths... muscles in the eyes of children aren't fully formed. The point is they'll get vision problems. Nintendo put forth a disclaimer, but who's really going to pay attention to that?

So this upcoming generation will not only be deaf from headphones, but will also be blind from 3D videogames.

Buy stocks in hearing aids and optometry.

Here's the newest darkroom photo. I didn't develop this one, a friend did (and she got it all dirty), but I did shoot and expose it, my friend just put the exposed paper in the chemicals.. I'll probably have two more either tomorrow or next week.

I recently did a music performance. It went really well, even though I only got to play one of the two songs I had prepared. The second one broke right before I was about to perform it (missing media files etc), but other than that everyone liked my performance. Unfortunately there was no documentation of the event, so you'll just have to trust me when I say that it was good.

I've been thinking about vinyl lately, ever since I got Captain Beefheart's Trout Mask Replica on vinyl when I went to New York City. I love listening to vinyl records, though my receiver is broken, so I can't right now. So, while I wait for a new one or to get it fixed, I made a collage of all the records I have:



Yup. Four. I plan on getting some more once I get the money. I really want some cheap obscure punk ones.

I had my frist real performance yesterday. I think it went well, aside from the fact that my second song didn't work due to "missing audio files" which were there the previous day.

I have a bunch of new noise songs that I'll upload either later today or sometime this weekend.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to get my print from the darkroom, so I wont be able to upload it to Monday at the earliest. But we have a found a cool effect that I'll probably use in the future. If you put a piece of paper with some words or a black and white image overtop of the photo paper while developing, wherever there is black ink on the paper, it will dodge, resulting in the words or image appearing over the photo. I'd like to do something with this later on.

I also planned on developing a negative that accidentally got dirty and stained. I think it'll look nice.

Seggie gave me an awesome poster of Patti Smith. In return I gave him a Kandy Kebab and a Richard Simmons Tonin' Ring.

Unfortunately I couldn't find a non-watermarked version of the poster.

I'm still alive.

Hazy days.

I've been spending a lot of time in the darkroom. Hopefully I'll have something to show from it soon.

Nothing is real. And all I want is something to be real. I'm so fucking terrified. I feel like a geode in an ocean of black ink and I'm not sinking. The sky is the colour of rainbow sorbet, but it begins to reflect the ocean. The black is leaches sucking up colours. But it makes no difference, the colours were as real as the blackness. My brain is a filter and it chooses what I prercive. My thoughs are laid out on a platter, as if I could not eat the ones I don't like the taste of, but that would be rude, and I am forced to eat them all. I eat my thoughts and take a step back and all of a sudden, nothing is real. I just want something to be fucking real.

All I want is to make other people happy.

But whenever I try it fails.

So I decided to be reckless and to try to drink myself into non-existence.

But that obviously didn't work.

And that's my only explanation.

PROS AND CONS OF BEING UNDERWEIGHT

I have many reputations at school, including, but not limited to: anorexic, weird, cool but fucked, shy, cross-dresser and fag. Most of these aren't true of course, but I find them amusing and I take the "cool but fucked" one as a compliment.

Today I'll adress the anorexic one. People think I'm anorexic because I'm really skinny. I'm not anorexic though, I just happen to be underweight. (I'm 5ft11 and 130 pounds, which gives me a BMI of 18.1. Under 18.5 is underweight). But the BMI was also invented by mathematician in the 1800s to try to find a relationship between height and weight of people who lived in the 1800s. Though maybe the version we use today has been updated by real doctors or something. Who knows.

Anyway, here are a list of pros and cons about being underweight. I'll start with cons because they're easier to think of.

CONS

- I'm always cold. ALWAYS. There's constantly a heater on in my room and I loose a lot of sleep because I have to turn it off at night (fire hazard) and it gets cold. This also keeps me from getting out of bed in the morning. This especially sucks because I enjoy sleeping naked.

- It's really hard to find pants my size. Hell, it's hard to find belts my size. Right now I'm a size 29 waist, though I can wear up to size 32 if I wear a tight belt. The problem is I'm tall, so if they fit my waist they usually don't reach my ancles.

- My bones crack a lot. I don't know if this is because of the lack of weight, but it seems that my bones like to crack more than normal.

- I get stomach aches after eating. Though this is just a recent development, and I have a suspicion that I have gastritis, but probably not.

- I'm fairly weak, weaker than the average person.

- People think I'm anorexic.

PROS

- Protruding bones are cool. I could spend hours playing with my hip bones or ribs or spine.

- I hardly ever have to buy new clothes, as I can fit into almost all of the ones I own. The only exceptions are pants that get too short.

- It's aesthetically pleasing to me. I know this is pretty bad but I can't help it, it's how I was raised. I enjoy being skinny.

- Sometimes I get compliments... sometimes...

That's pretty much it. As you can see there are way more cons than pros.

Don't be underweight, it sucks.

I haven't had time to update in a while. I've been busy with this online Anthropology, Psychology and Sociology course. The one thing I've learned so far is that, in the nature vs nurture argument, though nature has a big roll, it almost always gets trumped by nurture.



In English class I'm doing the best project ever. A group of us are going to be making a sea monkey society based on the society in Brave New World. Here are two of the kids in my group (click and click).

They'll probably die, but I don't care. The sea monkeys I mean, not those kids.
We're giving the sea monkeys alcohol, but not a lot.



My Computer Science teacher gave me a bunch of harsh noise and power electronics CDs from the 80s. The ones I've listened to are really good. Here's a download link for one (click).

I really need to fix my recording set up. Right now it consists of two studio monitors and a recording interface on the floor and a microphone, no stand... yet.

I'm planning to get a table to put all the shit on, because as of now my mixes end up too bassy because I can't hear the bass right because the monitors are on the ground.

I think that, for the most part, I live inside my head. What I mean is: I don't see the world as it is, I merely take cues from the world. Like improvising over some chords as opposed to playing directly from a score. Of course I don't fabricate my own facts, or believe in what cannot be proven; I trust science and I do not have faith in an unchanging dogma. I merely take what is presented to me and use it to fill in the rest. Sort of like seeing the universe as a writing prompt. I'm sure most people do this, whether they are aware of it or not.

One example I'm aware of is places. In my mind, the places I go are different than how they are in reality. There are many versions of each place: the place as it exists, the place as it exists in my mind and the place as it exists in the minds of everyone who has ever been to that place. These are all different places.

The more I visit a certain place, the more prominence it has in my mind. I have been to Chicago, so a form of Chicago exists in my mind. I go to my bathroom regularly, so my bathroom exists in my mind as a single place. Mentally, my bathroom is bigger than Chicago, since I have been to my bathroom more than I have been to Chicago. Obviously this is not true in real life, it's just that my bathroom has a more developed style and presence in my mind that Chicago does. This is applied to many things, the people I meed, the clothes I wear, even the websites I visit.

In this way I fabricate my own little world inside of my mind, in which all aspects are connected. Sometimes this world deviates from what is in the real word, but the changes are trivial enough that they do not go against science. The sciences are the lines in which I colour my world. Though it is acceptable to colour outside of the lines on occasion, it is irrational to do so if it alters the intended meaning of the work.

I obviously like my world better than the real one, though I accept that I have to face both of them.

My cheeks are all swollen and I look like these people:





But these are making me feel better:

Best part about getting my wisdom teeth removed: all the fun pills I get to take, staying at home to read fun books and watch movies, and getting to keep your teeth.

Worst part about getting my wisdom teeth removed: Missing art club and Frankenstein, my face is swollen up like a chipmunk and I haven't showered in a few days. So those are some old pictures.