Saturday, June 6, 2009

I cannot seem to find my foundation. Standing in a pitch-black night able to see everyone clearly but myself. Imagining that I am those people and possess what they exhibit. I cannot. I do not. What should I do from here? I cannot keep standing on mountains, breathing in the ashes of my idols. I am too nice to write about horrible things. I stare at a baphomet too much every day to be nice.

Dark belongings. One cannot help but think when one is running out of pleasant views. I divert myself. I look away from what I should be doing to engage my time with trivial acts of decadence. Then turn around and feel the need to express how these indulgent acts are that of human nature. Where the fuck are we?

I cannot believe history. I do not believe anything. What is the use of something if I cannot see it? But that is not to say that it should not be appreciated, and studied, and that knowledge should not be gained from its now transparent blunders. Even bible stories have a glitter of moral.

To achieve my unfathomable goal I am in need to two things: a pair of like-minded creature creators, and to identify myself. Am I Behemoth? Am I Leviathan? Or am I Ziz? Though I realize that, regardless, I set out to accomplish the same task.

Why two others? You see: three is greatness, a perfect balance of equal sides. But I unearth an enigma: how will my beautiful trinity manifest if I cannot even discover a single being of similar personal greatness? Is this my quest? If so, what do I start with?

So many questions, I'll leave it at that.

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